just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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