Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
