Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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