your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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