I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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