i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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