My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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