Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
