hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
sarcasm needs its own font
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
