You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize