y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
