The maid of honor just puked.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
