Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
