it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
