Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
