Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Enjoy the penises
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
