I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
