i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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