Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
