Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
