Yo dont text me then not text me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
