It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
This is classic penis vs brain.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
PANTIES FOUND
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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