In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
