I want you more than these girls want KFC
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
