it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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