i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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