Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Im part way to drunk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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