I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize