if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
