thus making me awesome and them whores
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Text me some of your sweat
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