i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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