At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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