"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
