I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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