Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
