I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
