I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize