i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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