Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
