i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
