I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
