matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
