I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
