There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
