Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
