I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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