you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
