I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
