A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
