so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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