Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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