literally had 100 drinks last night.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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