Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
