Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
