Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
