The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
