My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
