grandma shit on top of the toilet
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
