yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
