Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
