mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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