My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize