No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
