i think i recognize dicks better than faces
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
