I got chris browned last night
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
