I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
