I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
