so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
