After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
