I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
