on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
