This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
