youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
