he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
