Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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