yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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